weekending

this weekend I...

• came to terms with the fact that the washing fairy doesn't exist
• wondered why our summer has, so far, been pretty wintry
• got angry at the lego
• made 'Christmas Lights' wrapping paper with Che (painted dots on paper)
• ate brie on baguette for lunch
• discovered that a 21-month-old friend of mine has more coordination that I'll ever have
• wrote a budget for Christmas (the numbers aren't adding up!)
• realised that one tidy room in the house is good enough
• taught a pre-natal class and missed the rubbing of my pregnant belly
• congratulated myself for mentally repeating "do not get attached" when Poet slept 12 hours last week
• suddenly remembered what it's like to have a baby who feeds all. night. long
• had an afternoon nap
• relished in the sipping of a cappuccino
• sat under a willow tree and watched children run around the vegie garden
• kissed Poet's incredibly chubby and squeezable cheeks
• admired my new vintage basket
• cuddled with Che and read Christmas stories
• took photos with Daniel and later, compared notes on composition, lines and lenses.
• decided that an early night would probably be best

snippet

Little squares of fabric sewn onto paper. Tones of dove grey, jacaranda and mustard, interspersed with hints of French pink, olive and teal. I hope in the stitching a quilt will come together that offers comfort, warmth and a story to tell. Of Poet's first Christmas and the magic of the season.

As the owl says to Applesauce: "Christmas comes from the heart, Pig, from the heart."

Issues of the heart are all-consuming as are the ever-rolling lists in my head. The ticks never exceed the to-dos. The outgoings are increasing, the income is staying the same. It's an issue that gets thrown around this online world in abundance...housework and money are hot topics, didn't you know.

I was talking to a wise woman recently about my blog.

"I started it as a gratitude journal," I told her. "I found that I was always wishing I had more, hoping a better house would be in the near future, wanting more money. I wasn't entirely happy because I was so consumed with what I didn't have. And so I started focusing on what was already in my life and it didn't take long for me to realise that I was surrounded by what was important - a supportive, loving partner, a beautiful child, a safe and comfortable home, fresh, organic food, a pile of good books..."

When the normalcy of the daily routine becomes a little blasé, when the bills pile up and the work slows down, when there's an ongoing battle between the head and the heart, I take photos, gather my thoughts and bring them here. A practice in gratitude. And it always works.

Why do you write your blog?

the girl in the blog

In the past few years I've had a number of strangers approach me and tell me that they read my blog. My reaction is one of complete surprise, closely followed by gratitude. Then I get thinking about why you're actually reading my words - who are you? where do you come from? and why do you keep returning to this space I call Che and Fidel?

Being 'the girl in the blog' is strange. I am very honest with my stories here, I write from my heart about my personal life. But while what I write is the truth, it has never been the whole truth and it never will be. Living my life is one thing and blogging about it is, well, a story in itself.

There are times when I feel guilty for not commenting on your blog when you comment on mine. And then I realise that I've got blog-guilt and I laugh at the absurdity of it all. Reading blogs can be inspiring, heart-warming and comforting. But it's a big, deep world in here and there are plenty of times when I have, as a reader, been left with feelings of inadequacy, jealousy and self-doubt. It's silly and fickle, but it's real.

Many of you have commented or emailed me recently, expressing your thanks for the calm in this space.

And so it's with a coy smile and perhaps a giggle that I say: you can't have the calm without first experiencing the chaos.

only now...

have I realised that our leap of faith has led to dreams realised.

Because today Daniel worked on a film set, I wrote stories from home while Poet slept beside me and Che played and learned at Montessori.

Tonight I sip tea with gratitude.

Tim is in the camera