Tuesday, February 14, 2012

a memo

I read this memo last week at Che's Montessori school. If ever there were a good parenting article, this is it. Since I first read it I've thought daily about the way Daniel and I are parenting - from Che's perspective. How is he seeing us? What is he witnessing? How are we helping him understand what's right and wrong?

Tomorrow I'm going to handwrite it out and stick it on the wall. So I read at least one point - daily. And I'm going to remind myself not to feel guilty for what I have or haven't done as a Mum. 

Whilst every single point is valid and important I urge you all to read number twenty and take heed. Look after yourself, take time for yourself - you need to be physically, emotionally and mentally healthy, for your childrens' sake. They need you.

A Memo From A Child To Parents

1. Don't spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all I ask for. I'm only testing you.
2. Don't be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it, it makes me feel secure.
3. Don't let me form bad habits. I have to rely on you to detect them in the early stages.
4. Don't make me feel smaller than I am. It only makes me behave stupidly 'big'.
5. Don't correct me in front of people if you can help it. I'll take much more notice if you talk quietly with me in private.
6. Don't make me feel that my mistakes are sins. It upsets my sense of values.
7. Don't protect me from consequences. I need to learn the painful way sometimes.
8. Don't be too upset when I say 'I hate you'. Sometime it isn't you I hate but your power to thwart me.
9. Don't take too much notice of my small ailments. Sometimes they get me the attention I need.
10. Don't nag. If you do, I shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.
11. Don't forget that I cannot explain myself as well as I should like. That is why I am not always accurate.
12. Don't put me off when I ask questions. If you do, you will find that I stop asking and seek my information elsewhere.
13. Don't be inconsistent. That completely confuses me and makes me lose faith in you.
14. Don't tell me my fears are silly. They are terribly real and you can do much to reassure me if you try to understand.
15. Don't ever suggest that you are perfect or infallible. It gives me too great a shock when I discover that you are neither.
16. Don't ever think that it is beneath your dignity to apologise to me. An honest apology makes me feel surprisingly warm towards you.
17. Don't forget I love experimenting. I couldn't get along without it, so please put up with it.
18. Don't forget how quickly I am growing up. It must be very difficult for you to keep pace with me, but please do try.
19. Don't forget that I don't thrive without lots of love and understanding, but I don't need to tell you, do I?
20. Please keep yourself fit and healthy. I need you.

Photo: Che in the garden at his school. 

51 comments:

  1. Oh, Jodi... thank you so much for posting this. I'm in tears. This is such a wonderful lesson in parenting.

    It's quite overwhelming sometimes... the responsibility of teaching and nurturing these little people. This list just breaks everything down so perfectly. How inspiring... I feel so motivated to be a better Mum.

    x

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  2. Wow, this is so powerful. I am going to do the same in my home to remind myself and my husband daily.
    Thank you for sharing. x

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  3. I've read this before and it struck a chord then as now. Thanks for popping it up here - I'm going to write it out too.

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  4. This is just lovely Jodi, I'm going to save it to read every now and then. Thanks for sharing. x

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  5. Jodi Im in love with your blog
    This is such a beautiful reminder to sit back and take it all in..
    A mother is such a hard job but so much more rewarding only mums know this
    Thank you for posting this it's so very powerful and true
    Nic xx

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  6. kids are pretty wise all and all. parenting can be pretty tough at times. i often feel it is how i cope is a pretty important determinant.x

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  7. 21. Don't worry that I'm feeding every two hours so voraciously that your nipples feel like dog biscuits. I am just having my six-month growth spurt and I'll settle down again soon.

    Love to Poe Poe

    xx

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    1. You are a saint woman. A damn funny one too x

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    2. Hi Jodie,

      Thanks so very much for posting this beautiful little reminder. I am going to do the same tomorrow, and write this list out.

      I love being able to find little gems like this in the bloggosphere. As I do not have a mum I look to other mum's for inspiration.

      Much love
      x

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    3. Pleasure Amelia. Love to you x

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  8. oh jodi, thankyou for posting, I must take your lead and write it out too. sometimes we really need these lovely little reminders about the parents we are trying so hard to be x

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  9. That's all you need, isn;t it? A tiny shift in perspective to prompt a Mama to step back, stop and think...

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  10. So many don'ts! Sorry Montesori, but I'm more about the do's! x

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    1. Although this is a good point. I hadn't thought of it that way. Some minor re-wording would make it even better! Xx

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    2. Thought I'd just point out that it isn't a 'Montessori' memo - it was just given to me by Che's school - I think the director found it online.
      Sure there are a few too many don'ts but I think the essence of the memo is far more important that the exact choice of words. For me it's about a change of perspective and parenting with mindfulness and awareness - of myself and my role. x

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    3. Very true. The dont's certainly haven't stopped me writing this down! X

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  11. I love number 17. My little one mixed sand with bubble mixture and called it an.. Espeppermint (experiment).

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  12. this a great reminder - I think I will write it out too xx

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  13. Just what every parent needs to read. Thank you xx

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  14. Great sentiments to all of these.. but I am with Maxabella I prefer positives not the negatives. I switch off when I hear don't! x

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  15. oh, #20 has me with tears in my eyes.
    so so so sweet.
    XO
    C

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  16. Wow! So glad I read these! Think I'll write out a copy too. X

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  17. beautiful! thanks for sharing lovely lady~
    X

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  18. this is really beautiful. I will definately be writing out a copy too ~ the reminder is always good. thanks for sharing :o)

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  19. Wow. That's the best parenting advice I've ever read. Thank you, thank you for sharing.

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  20. Thank you for taking the time to share this memo. Just last night I was wondering where to go with parenting my 3 year old. What perfect timing on your part. Thank you. :)

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  21. Wise words Jodi.

    I have printed this and will stick it on my fridge today.

    Thank you!

    xx

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  22. oh, they are all so true! Something I say to myself regularly is "they are children, they know not what they do"...they rely on us for everything and all we can do is our best (which usually doesn't come too easily when you're dealing with multiple little personalities!). We'll be back in town soon for a visit. xx

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  23. I love this memo. Really love it. Thanks for sharing :)

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  24. Ahhh the list is long!! I do hope I can parent in this way. I particularly like no. 15. As though it is common for parents to believe they are perfect!? (How bizarre). Think about no. 18 every day and as far as no. 20 goes...well, possibly the hardest one on the list!!!

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  25. Yes, this is bittersweet for me and a little hard to read. I just wish I had more clarity and been more able in the early days with my big boys. Their childhood is such a precious, fleeting thing... Love this x C

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  26. I'm bookmarking this page for my unborn children. Thanks for sharing these words of wisdom.

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  27. that is so simply beautiful, a wonderful reminder, thank you. such a respectful way to parent

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  28. Thanks for this Jodi. xx Hmmm, maybe there should be a please preceding all those don'ts ; )

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  29. I'll definitely be printing this out and sticking it to my fridge for when my baby gets here, it should help me as i venture into the unknown!

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  30. Thank you, I will be keeping this!

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  31. I adore this. Thank you for sharing Jodi. You always post the most beautiful words xx

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  32. omigoodness. I love it. it's def being pinned up in our house. thanks for sharing jodi :)

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  33. Thank you Jodi!
    I just love it and in fact I turned it into a little poster and printed it for my kitchen and I printed a little one for my journal.
    Words to live by!
    We're off to our local Montessori this arvo to find out about after school classes as we homeschool.
    You are too gorgeous.
    A weird question and I only ask because you're in the business. Do you know of any good yoga places in Perth? I just thought maybe you knew someone or heard something. I'm keen as to start asap.
    Thanks for sharing this!

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  34. I am about to print this out......i so need to be reminded as a parent to change the way i am doing things when things get challenging with your kids. I always look to what it is 'i' may be doing as a parent and my behaviour....then when i change the way i do things, they change too.

    This really is a good reminder....thank you for posting this Jodi.X

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  35. After 10 days of hard parenting in my house I feel exhausted and lacking the skills I need
    This memo has allowed me to breathe and wake up to myself and my kids.
    Thank you for sharing Jodi.
    It's just what I needed x

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  36. Loving this Jodi ...
    I'm passing it on to some friends,

    Oh and thanks for the mould treatment tip, I have been de-moulding all week, fun fun fun !!!

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  37. Brilliant wisdom - L.O.V.E it!

    Thank you so much for sharing and happy weekend to all in your home.

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  38. The essence of this list is wonderful- everyone should get a copy when they take their baby home from hospital. What a wonderful way to start the journey that would be. melx

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  39. As a mommy to be, these are brilliant words of wisdom. So real and honest. Thank you for posting, our children will also be going to Montesorri, this adds to our existing beliefs in the value of their programs.

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  40. oh! this is so special. thank you thank you for sharing.

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  41. i am going to print this out + put it on the fridge...my bean sprouts are 12 + 10 yet these are still great to remember. we recently went through #7, which was difficult to see, but it was a great character builder.

    on a different note, i really enjoy reading your blog! it's refreshing, honest + lovely. i'll be visiting again!

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  42. Thank you for sharing! Printing it as a reminder!

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