This morning was completely enjoyable. Peaceful even. This evening has been everything but. I understand opposites and how they work. Sometimes I don't understand my three-year-old. Seemingly fine one minute, a raging boy the next. Tears and the smiles. Up then down. This way, that way. My patience is being challenged like never ever before. I know he loves me so why do I seem to be on this side of the rebellion? I think it's time to consult some books. Recommendations appreciated. Pretty please. And thanks for listening (reading).
i'm hanging all my hopes on the positive parenting program i've signed up for...starts next week.
ReplyDeleteHave you read 'The Science Of Parenting?' (I think the authors name in Morgot Sutherland. I love this book. She writes some wonderful stuff breaking down the how, why, what of tantrums, and how best to manage and avoid them. So useful. I've also read that the half-years; before age 5, are a time of developmental disequilibrium. So at 1.5, 2.5, 3.5 children struggle more with life, rail against Mum, can't manage emotion. Then around the time of turning 2, 3, 4, there's a settling again. It's really been true for Ivy. Good luck! x
ReplyDeletewish I could lend you some wisdom, but instead only an ear to listen...hang in there!
ReplyDeleteDealing with some opposites myself with my 4 yr old boy. According to steve biddulph 'raising boys' there is a testosterone surge at 4 but I can't help you with the 3's! Both of my older ones were fine as two year olds. We suffered from them being 'three-nangers' though! Hope it settles for you, or that you come across a strategy that works for you both x
ReplyDeleteMy eldest nephew is the same. A beautiful happy boy one minute, and within seconds everything's changed. Normally it's something he just has to ride out, but it's tough to deal with! xx
ReplyDeleteAnother one who has been through it. We never had the terrible twos but when he turned three he was a nightmare - complete opposites, day / night. I wanted to tear my hair out. By 3.5 it had completely stopped and I had my beautiful calm boy back.
ReplyDeleteBut we are really close to 4 and I can see it coming back again *sigh*
No advice, just be nice to yourself and know that it will pass.
Not that I am there yet (my little man is only 8mths) but I've seen her talk and her book looks really useful. Lou Harvey-Zahra's 'Turning tears into laughter'. You have prob already heard of her, but if not she also has a website: http://www.skiptomylouparenting.com/about/
ReplyDeleteShe is a Steiner educator and an advocate of creative discipline.
I found the book - Tears and Tantrums by Aletha Solter really helpful. It gave me a whole new persective on tantrums and why children need them. Also, Steve Biddulph's book on raising boys was my bible when my teen boys were little. Good luck :)
ReplyDeleteI absolutely adore the book 'your reincarnating child - welcoming a soul into the world'. It's beautifully written and even though Ba'il is only 6 months old, I go back and forward to this book out of all of my other ones. It's written from a Steiner perspective. Poor little Che..... so much to absorb and discover, no wonder he is up and down. Blessings x
ReplyDeletei have had trouble with quinn from the start. my intuition told me that he was not as "physical" as he needed to be. by this i mean, he doesn't run he walks. he rides his bike but not far. he doesn't swim in the ocean he settles into the sand with a spade. after i complained to a very smart friend about his excessive talking, she mentioned to take him to the park every afternoon and run with him to the farthest tree and back. simple as that. it has worked wonders. she, my smart friend, also mentioned boys need to use their upper leg muscles, like picking up buckets of water and dumping them, it releases alot of the "fight" in them.
ReplyDeleteas for tate the disequilibrium thoery has been quite true. they say this last till they are teens. six months of hard core parenting than six months off.
not sure if any of this helps with your little che, but any advice is helpful i am sure.
Toddler Taming is a wonderful book - not as dreadful as it sounds - even the author (Dr.Christopher Green) says the title no longer reflects his beliefs. Very easy to read and has excellent easy to put into practise ideas. Finn has his moments of utter joy followed by huge dips of despair but still makes me laugh - like when he told my mother inlaw "don't talk to me like that you silly, bl##dy woman" Absolute Magic! xxx
ReplyDeletein a hurry now but check this out, we've just signed up
ReplyDeleteJolette Jai
www.peaceofmindparenting.com
x Jules
have you considered diet. i know my friends little boy would go into really nasty moods and she took cows milk out his diet and instead gave him raw goats milk. the change was amazing. no more terrible mood swings and he is so much more relaxed and happy almost all the time now.
ReplyDeleteOh Jodi I second the Tears and Tantrums! I read it with my first but honestly didn't need it with her but I'm remembering Aletha's words clearly now. I'm right there with you...have been for about 12 months with my boy (just turned three last month). Patience, *listening* and acknowledgment helps me... plus sometimes just letting it burn itself out. xx
ReplyDeleteMy little bean is only oh so small but thank you for asking for advice, I will be storing all of these suggestions for future reference. I love the way you photograph him, like he's out on an adventure and you are just letting him explore whilst documenting. He's really adorable!
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteA couple of beautiful, supportive, helpful and fun parenting books are Heart to Heart Parenting by Robin Grille and Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen.
I also thought I should note that this behaviour has nothing to do with Che being a boy, it's just something that kids go through at some point or another, about pushing boundaries and discovering their selves. And as an aside there is actually no increase in testosterone at age 4 and there is recent evidence saying that there are no links between testosterone and aggressiveness. Check out Gender Delusions by Cordelia Fine, looking at how gender stereotyping severely limits the potential of our children.
Good luck, you are an amazing parent.
i am right there with you.....
ReplyDeletejamie
holy moses jodi you have so many resources here at your fingertips. I just opened a bunch of the links. I am especially interested in the whole gender stereotyping thing because some days I think "what a boy" and then I catch myself and think, "really?". I just picked up a book at the library called compassionate and calm children. haven't started it but will let you know if it's worth a read! xo m.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Maria about food allergies/intolerances - my Munchkin has similar swings due to food allergies, you should see her 20 mins after Vegemite, saveloys etc. that have yeast extract or the msg replacements (600 numbers)in them! Major meltdowns or extended arguments, screaming, hitting etc.! Two of my friends have children that react the same way immediately after a Vegemite sandwich, so much for happy little Vegemites! Yes, children at all ages go through stages but food issues are such a common thing and can be (not always of course) simple to correct. Good luck finding the calm at your place, I feel for you - it's not nice. x
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