When there is grass growing through the peg basket it's a sure sign of neglect. I'm ok with that. What I find most difficult about being a mum is guilt. There is such a thing as motherguilt, you know. Because my life has become that much busier in the past few months there are some things that just don't make it onto my 'to do' list. And sure I like the idea of a spotless home, an empty laundry basket, fresh loaves of bread pulled straight from the oven and a happy family...but that picture isn't an honest one of my life right now. The happy family is it. And I suppose that's all that really matters.
I've just been asked to work one more day from home. As a writer, and because writing is my art, I'm taking this as a promotion. My first professional promotion. It feels damn good to be paid so well for my art. But with that extra day comes less time for everything else in my life and I'm well aware that things will have to give. I can't do everything.
Oh hello guilt, I was expecting you.
Why? Because that's one less day to be a good mum. And what is a good mum? It seems programmed in us, us mothers, that we must be everything to everyone around us in order to be a good mum. I'm going to say this because I feel it is my truth - most of the time the blogs I read inspire, motivate and encourage me. But sometimes, they make me feel guilty. They don't help with my own unrealistic, perhaps idealistic, expectations of what a good mum is. Why? Because I can't find the time (and sometimes the inclination) to bake crackers, knit a piece of clothing a week, organise daily in-house art classes, grow vegies, have a homemade dinner prepped every night and never complain.
And so my mantra is to never bring guilt into my role as mum. I don't want to be the muma who doesn't think she's doing good by her son because of a lack of baking, cleaning, crafting, gardening. I am not that mum. I am me - Che's mum.
And I know, deep down, that he wouldn't swap me for the world. That's his truth and I'll keep reminding myself of it.