white and green blooms, kraft paper, black grosgrain ribbon / a succulent installation / bougainvillaea; hints of pink
Do you think it's possible for mothers to find balance? I used to think it was but now I'm not so sure.
Whenever I'm in doubt I go back to The Divided Heart and flick through the now dog-eared pages, attempting to find an empathetic voice. It's a relief to join the conversation there, or read it, at least. I think most of us, in the early (naive) stages of motherhood, think that we'll find the perfect balance between work and home, art and mothering. But then as our family grows and the demands increase we realise that in actual fact, juggling is the norm.
I'll admit that I'm not the best juggler. If I was to describe my juggling style it would probably be "uncoordinated". In the past year I've juggled more than I ever have - two parents working freelance wreaks havoc on a schedule and makes for some interesting last-minute plans. You see, when you do work freelance, particularly in a creative field, you take every bit of work that's offered to you because you know that if you decline, it's unlikely you'll get another opportunity. There's always a fear of drought! Thankfully (and gratefully!) Daniel and I have had some wonderful proposals lately, and we're embracing them. This means that for the next six weeks Daniel will be to-and-fro from the city and I'll be attempting to meet two big deadlines. For the first time since I became a mother I'm searching for babysitters other than family because I need as much work time as I can get.
I'm surrendering to the fact that the next little while will be a new level of crazy but come mid-September the work will be finished, the deadlines will be met and we'll be furiously packing (the night before, no doubt) for our first overseas holiday as a family. Till then, deep breaths.