I read this memo last week at Che's Montessori school. If ever there were a good parenting article, this is it. Since I first read it I've thought daily about the way Daniel and I are parenting - from Che's perspective. How is he seeing us? What is he witnessing? How are we helping him understand what's right and wrong?
Tomorrow I'm going to handwrite it out and stick it on the wall. So I read at least one point - daily. And I'm going to remind myself not to feel guilty for what I have or haven't done as a Mum.
Whilst every single point is valid and important I urge you all to read number twenty and take heed. Look after yourself, take time for yourself - you need to be physically, emotionally and mentally healthy, for your childrens' sake. They need you.
A Memo From A Child To Parents
1. Don't spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all I ask for. I'm only testing you.
2. Don't be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it, it makes me feel secure.
3. Don't let me form bad habits. I have to rely on you to detect them in the early stages.
4. Don't make me feel smaller than I am. It only makes me behave stupidly 'big'.
5. Don't correct me in front of people if you can help it. I'll take much more notice if you talk quietly with me in private.
6. Don't make me feel that my mistakes are sins. It upsets my sense of values.
7. Don't protect me from consequences. I need to learn the painful way sometimes.
8. Don't be too upset when I say 'I hate you'. Sometime it isn't you I hate but your power to thwart me.
9. Don't take too much notice of my small ailments. Sometimes they get me the attention I need.
10. Don't nag. If you do, I shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.
11. Don't forget that I cannot explain myself as well as I should like. That is why I am not always accurate.
12. Don't put me off when I ask questions. If you do, you will find that I stop asking and seek my information elsewhere.
13. Don't be inconsistent. That completely confuses me and makes me lose faith in you.
14. Don't tell me my fears are silly. They are terribly real and you can do much to reassure me if you try to understand.
15. Don't ever suggest that you are perfect or infallible. It gives me too great a shock when I discover that you are neither.
16. Don't ever think that it is beneath your dignity to apologise to me. An honest apology makes me feel surprisingly warm towards you.
17. Don't forget I love experimenting. I couldn't get along without it, so please put up with it.
18. Don't forget how quickly I am growing up. It must be very difficult for you to keep pace with me, but please do try.
19. Don't forget that I don't thrive without lots of love and understanding, but I don't need to tell you, do I?
20. Please keep yourself fit and healthy. I need you.
Photo: Che in the garden at his school.