Saturday, March 7, 2009

slightly chaotic

my life has been these past few weeks. Chaotic in a mind-frazzling way. Because I've felt a bit of weight on my shoulders from the deadline and my ears have been getting tired at the sounds of constant screaming and sobbing due to this. Combine the deadline and clingy bub together and there I have a pretty good explanation as to why journalism and mothering don't always mix.

Thank-you so much for all your comments re. my professional writing work. So sweet of you to care and offer advice. And it's so nice to know that there are a few more journalists/mothers/bloggers out there too.

Did I come to a conclusion? Well, no. Last week I was in the midst of writing for a big project that had a looming deadline and I couldn't pull out. So I let the washing and the dishes and the bed making and the whole house go while I typed frantically in the few spare hours when Ché slept. Amongst the stress and the tension I managed to complete the task and get positive feedback from my editor. I remembered how good it feels to complete a piece of writing and to 'hand it in'. It's also rewarding to see my name in print - but this job I've been offered means I'll be writing as a ghost most of the time (ie. writing under another name or writing for a company).

Sometimes it's hard to send your art into the world and not have your name on the tag.

It's also amazed me in the past few weeks how deeply connected I feel to Ché at the moment. Perhaps because he has reached another level of understanding where he talks and points and listens...I have trouble being away from him. He's such a joy to be around and I don't want to miss out on anything. And I know that this writing job will require my full attention. And I'm not sure I can give it that right now.

I'm still juggling the pros and cons in my head while listening to everything that Daniel has to say too. He always says the right thing - even if, at the time, I don't want to hear it. He's my realist, my perfectionist. He's a do-er and I'm a dreamer and together we're pretty good. I'm so thankful that he goes off to work each day so that I can be a stay-at-home-mum. I really am. I'm even more thankful when he walks in the door each afternoon and the three of us are together again.

And then I forget about the chaos and settle in to the comfiness of our family and I remember what a good number 3 really is. It's better than any sentence I've ever written - that's for sure.


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  2. I can relate to this important decision that you have to make. As another full-time mommy, I think we all occasionally stumble upon the opportunity of a lifetime and it is at that point that the real soul searching begins. In the end, no matter what path you choose the journey was really the most important part. It suddenly forces you appreciate, prioritize, and sacrifice in ways you never dreamed of, all the while under a deadline! Rest assured though, you already know your answer ... it just still has to make its way from your heart, out of your mouth and off your lips. Good luck!

  3. yes, it sounds like you do know what is best for you and your family. you are on your way to releasing it into the world.

  4. It's hard to juggle so many competing demands isn't it. You sound like a strong person - and you have strong support. You'll do OK. Life has to be chaotic sometimes, that way we know when we're in a calm spot. Saw your picture in the local rag - spotted you because of the new do.

  5. "and I remember what a good number 3 really is. It's better than any sentence I've ever written - that's for sure."

    - goosebumps, seriously! You know how good you are right?

  6. When they are small and you try to do anything else, it all feels confusing. IT gets so much better the older they get.

  7. I can only relate to the deadlines and the words at this stage in my life :) I can't imagine raising a little human while doing what I'm doing. The entire world seems to have disappeared for me in the last couple of weeks as my writing has totally consumed me. I applaud you.

  8. we r also lucky to have that same lovely comfy family feeling thing here too when rich walks in the door. such bliss x