July 31, 2008
For the first time since becoming a mum I am craving space. A little room to breathe, to move, to spend a few hours with friends, to look at myself in the mirror and not see mashed banana or vegemite sandwich smeared on my pants...or on my shoulder (a place I never see but everyone else does).
And since our dryer broke the other day our lounge room has turned into toy room/music room/chinese laundry. And this morning I had a little helper who pulled the clothes off while they were still wet. But I was patient and as any mum would, I thanked him for helping me hang out the washing. Hence there is no space in the lounge room.
There is space in the shower though and this morning I relished the escapism the water offers. It was in the shower that I realised that the longest I have ever been away from my baby since he was born is four hours. Four short hours. Truth be told I couldn't wait to get back to him. And I'm sure I will feel the same next week when Daniel and I travel to Sydney for the afternoon to see this.
I am so looking forward to the circus. A little bit of magic and a whole lot of body contortion. And some time for Daniel and I to be together...just the two of us for an evening. I'm sure we will talk about our little chicken for most of trip and that's ok. It is the space I am after. A few hours of feeling unencumbered. Of being with my other boy, the handsome man who has been working so hard for us. His business is so busy and it's wonderful to see him so incredibly motivated and inspired.
I need to do more yoga too. Yoga for me. Balance for me. Because I love being busy...I am more productive when I am busy. But at the moment there are stories and classes and study and parenting (parenting first of course) and I want so desperately to do it all. In time it will all get done. The students will get taught and the stories will be told.
This evening, instead of writing about mortgage stress or mopping the floor I am venting here and laughing at these photos. Paper doesn't taste that great.
And when I look at these photos I realise how important images are. Because Che is ten-months-old now and I find it difficult to remember him when he was brand new. Just a little guy. I forget the tiny body, the little lips, the light weight of him in my arms. Thank goodness we took photos. Thank goodness the camera is always close by...so no matter how busy I am I can capture a moment. And find space behind the camera.